Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Wierd News Stories

It's hard to be humorous when there is alot of sad things happening in the world. I don't know if your effected by the stuff in New Orleans and Miss. I work with a lot of schools in that area and pray for everyone.

But in any case, I hope some of this will make your day better.



1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.

2. A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.

3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.

4. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.

5. A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

6. Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

7. A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

8. Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

9. When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

10. A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.

11. A fierce gust of wind blew 45-year-old Vittorio Luise's car into a river near Naples, Italy, in 1983. He managed to break a window, climb out and swim to shore -- where a tree blew over and killed him.

12. Mike Stewart, 31, of Dallas was filming a movie in 1983 on the dangers of low-level bridges when the truck he was standing on passed under a low-level bridge -- killing him.

13. Walter Hallas, a 26-year-old store clerk in Leeds, England, was so afraid of dentists that in 1979 he asked a fellow worker to try to cure his toothache by punching him in the jaw. The punch caused Hallas to fall down, hitting his head, and he died of a fractured skull.

14. Two West German motorists had an all-too-literal head-on collision in heavy fog near the small town of Guetersloh. Each was guiding his car at a snail's pace near the center of the road. At the moment of impact their heads were both out of the windows when they smacked together. Both men were hospitalized with severe head injuries. Their cars weren't scratched.

15. George Schwartz, owner of a factory in Providence, R.I., narrowly escaped death when a 1983 blast flattened his factory except for one wall. After treatment for minor injuries, he returned to the scene to search for files. The remaining wall then collapsed on him, killing him.

16. Depressed since he could not find a job, 42-year-old Romolo Ribolla, in 1981, sat in his kitchen near Pisa, Italy, with a gun in his hand threatening to kill himself. His wife pleaded for him not to do it, and after about an hour he burst into tears and threw the gun to the floor. It went off and killed his wife.

17. In 1983, a Mrs. Carson of Lake Kushaqua, N.Y., was laid out in her coffin, presumed dead of heart disease. As mourners watched, she suddenly sat up. Her daughter dropped dead of fright.

18. A man hit by a car in New York in 1977 got up uninjured, but laid back down in front of the car when a bystander told him to pretend he was hurt so he could collect insurance money. The car rolled forward and crushed him to death.

19. Surprised while burgling a house in Antwerp, Belgium, a thief fled out the back door, clambered over a nine-foot wall, dropped down and found himself in the city prison.

20. In 1976 a twenty-two-year-old Irishman, Bob Finnegan, was crossing the busy Falls Road in Belfast, when he was struck by a taxi and flung over its roof. The taxi drove away and, as Finnegan lay stunned in the road, another car ran into him, rolling him into the gutter. It too drove on. As a knot of gawkers gathered to examine the magnetic Irishman, a delivery van plowed through the crowd, leaving in its wake three injured bystanders and an even more battered Bob Finnegan. When a fourth vehicle came along, the crowd wisely scattered and only one person was hit, Bob Finnegan. In the space of two minutes Finnegan suffered a fractured skull, broken pelvis, broken leg, and other assorted injuries. Hospital officials said he would recover.

The Drugs I need Takes a little to load but well worth it!

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Fo' Fathers

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Here Kitty Kitty

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Lethal Llama

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The Dentist

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Monday, August 29, 2005

Monday, How it always seems like it's here.

Melon Mishap: An elderly woman had her purse stolen while shopping for fruit at a Charlotte grocery store. Apparently the opportunistic thief snatched the handbag from a produce table when the woman bent down to pick up a watermelon. Hey, it coulda been worse.

Knife-Wielding Chic: A woman walked into a Charlotte retail store and loaded a shopping cart with more than $100 in clothes. As she made her way towards the exit, a store manager confronted her. The woman pulled a knife and swung it at the manager, then fled the store, the buggy full of stolen items in tow.

Heavy Equipment Hassle:
A woman reported that a contractor she hired to build a pool in her yard ripped her off and never finished the job she paid him to perform. Moreover, the crooked contractor left a bulldozer sitting in her yard for several days. Judge Judy should be hearing from these folks presently.

Bad Samaritan: After leaving a restaurant, a man realized he had forgotten his cell phone. When he returned to the joint to retrieve his phone, it was nowhere to be found. The man called his cell number, and the voice that answered stated that if he wanted his cell back, it would cost him $40. The man called the cops instead.

Girl Behaving (very) Badly: A woman attempted to set fire to an apartment complex by igniting a newspaper and tossing it inside a building. The fire was put out before it caused any major damage. Shortly thereafter the female firebug called a woman who lives at the apartment complex - apparently the target of her arson - and threatened to kill both the resident and her family.

Logged Off: A woman was awakened in the middle of the night when her ex-boyfriend busted a back window and entered her apartment. The woman told her ex to leave, but he refused. So the woman went back to sleep. When she woke up the next morning, she discovered her former boyfriend had left with more than $2,000 in computer equipment.

Police-Speak of the week: According to a police report, a man followed another gent for what the victim "perceived to be an effort to cause fear or emotional distress." At one point the aggressor threatened to beat up the other man, and then "showed his middle finger to the victim."


Miracles

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Thursday, August 25, 2005

On the Road Again

I will be on the road visiting Family in NY. See you on Monday.
Leave a messege after the beep. BEEP!!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Blog Spammers

BLOG SPAMMERS- Where the hell did they come from. All of a sudden I have more comments posted by Spammers then I do people who actually check out my page. And they are so fake in there post. "Cool Page, click here" "Nice Job, Buy this" You know what Fuck you and your Blog Store. I don't want your crap, I don't need your crap and I will delete your crap. The people who come to this blog don't need ads.
Does anyone else have this happening to there Blog?

Fart Dogs

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Kitty Rap

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Devil Dog

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Poo Poo Dance

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Drunken Hampster

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Monday, August 22, 2005

Wacky People

Ok every now and then I run into strange people, I'm not talking about slow people. I'm talking about fuckers with jobs and stuff. Had a guy come up to my car on Friday, must have been in his 50's. He Started asking questions about my car. I mean he was acting like I had a jag or a Bimmer. I have a Black Carolla. Nothing fansy, just a reliable car that gets me from A to B and is good on gas. But this crazy guy kept going on and on with questions like how does it drive, do I like it, do I have problems. I looked at him and said, Do you want to buy it? He said no, my daughter baught a car just like it and she likes it. Ok. I had to stop myself from saying something mean to this guy so I said, well I got to be going. (Meaning Let me get my ass away from this guy) It just amazes me what people are thinking. I travel alot for work and I will be on the road starting in Sept. I might post some of the interesting people I deal with out in this crazy world, so stay tuned.

A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR A funny gameshow spoof followed by a funny commercial spoof! Double your fun!

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MR. HAPPY FACE Mr. Happy Face loves EVERYONE!

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DAD'S HOME Dad's Home! Yes, he sure is.

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FRESH PRINCE VS. THE KKK The Fresh Prince of Bel Air takes on the might of the KKK to save Carlton!

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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The Blotter III

Now That's Teamwork: Three vagrants accosted a man and his friend while they were parked at a gas station. One of the vagrants grabbed the driver's wallet, and another robbed the passenger at gunpoint. One of the troublesome trio then hopped into the car and drove the vehicle behind the gas station. The three thieves then fled the scene in an unknown white vehicle. Just as the terrible trio was leaving, another car pulled up with three men inside, one of whom got out and drove away in the victims' car, while the two were still watching all this from the parking lot.

The Case of the Doofus Commuter: While a man was waiting at a bus stop, a car pulled up next to him and one of the passengers told him to get inside. For some inexplicable reason he did, and the motorist drove away from the scene and parked around the block. At this point several other hoodlums walked up to the car and pulled the unsuspecting man from the car, and proceeded to shove and punch him. They also stole his cell phone and backpack.

If I Had a Hammer: Someone broke into a Central Avenue club using one of the less sophisticated tools of the robbery trade - a hammer - to remove the knob on the front door. Upon gaining entry, the burglars turned over a cigarette machine and forced open the top of a jukebox, removing the dollar "accepter." The hammer was found on the floor near the cigarette machine and the accepter was discovered in the parking lot.

Meow Hiss: A scorned woman approached her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend as they were sitting in the parking lot of an Independence Boulevard business. After a brief exchange of heated words, the two women started going at it. During the ensuing catfight, the scorned woman grabbed the other female's purse, jumped in her car and drove away.

Urban Life at its Finest: A man noticed two shady-looking characters following him while he was walking downtown. The dangerous-looking duo continued to follow the man after he strolled into a "remote area," where they then punched him in the face, knocked him to the ground and stole his wallet.

Good Old-Fashioned Southern Breakfast: Some merry pranksters threw bologna and eggs at the passenger side door and rear quarter panel of a late model Dodge, causing an estimated $600 in damages.

Run Ricky Run


Warning


Slap!


My Teeth

Monday, August 15, 2005

The Blotter II

Ungrateful Hitchhiker: A young man picked up a man who had asked for a ride. At some point the driver stopped off at a convenience store to buy a few things. Once inside the store, the driver realized he'd left his wallet in the car. When he returned, the passenger was gone - and so was $200 and a credit card from the wallet.

Two women on the verge: Police responded to a 31-year-old man who was scratched multiple times on his chest and neck by his girlfriend during a domestic dispute. A few hours later, in a separate incident, police saw a woman with a history of mental illness "wildly kicking and hitting" her 46-year-old boyfriend. Neither man would agree to getting medical attention.

A Smashing Good Time: When police arrived at a Charlotte apartment complex in response to a vandalism call, they encountered a drunk guy in the parking lot yelling obscenities and harassing residents. The drunken man's sister told police that he had come in a few hours earlier and shattered a glass-top table. Police determined the man posed a "potential for additional property damage and disturbances" and arrested him.

That's Just Wrong: A man was washing his car in the front yard while his Chocolate Lab played in the grass. At some point the man heard a car door slam shut. When he looked up, a car was speeding away from his house, and the man's dog was gone. Although he did not see his pet inside the car, the man told police he believes whoever was driving kidnapped the pooch.

Full-time stalker: During the past month a scorned man has relentlessly harassed and stalked a woman. He made multiple calls to her home and workplace, though she told him repeatedly to leave her alone. The clueless Romeo has also been spotted at least three times parked in front of the woman's house, each time driving a different rental car.

Guess They're Not Golfing Fans: Someone broke into a Charlotte country club and threw several pieces of deck furniture into the pool. The vandals also smashed open a vending machine and stole more than $100 worth of snacks. Finally, the Wild Ones caused some $500 in landscaping damages when they drove a car through the club's front lawn, ripping up the grass.


N-The Game

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Don't Miss

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Get Whacked

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005

On The Road

I will be on the road this week. Be back Monday. Have a great weekend.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Super Fly!

Well I haven't been able to make any post since Tursday because a Virus has attacked the server so since some asshole decided to send someone in my office a virus, it messes up everyones day. Which puts more stress on me to get work done that could have already been finished allowing me more time to blog. This will be a long one in case I am unable to post for awhile. Enjoy!

The Blotter

Youth Gone Wild: A troubled youth threatened a security associate at an alternative school designed for students who have been suspended or expelled from regular schools. The unruly teen apparently became angry and threatened to harm the 51-year-old security guard after he scolded the kid for violating school rules.

Ice Cream Bandits: An ice cream factory worker discovered that one or more people forced their way into the company's parking lot, broke into the refrigerated trucks, and made off with about $3,000 worth of ice cream. Adding gooey insult to injury, the thieves left the truck door wide open, melting another thousand dollars worth of the sweet soft stuff.

Must Be The Heat: A fight broke out at a construction site after a worker asked one of his colleagues to move his truck. The request apparently angered the truck driver to his boiling point. He grabbed the other man by the neck and threw him to the ground. Then, as had been requested of him, he moved his truck.

Creepy Caller: A woman called police after an unknown man left the following message on her machine: "Hi, beautiful. I've been watching you for a while and I'm thinking about what I'd like to do to that beautiful body. If you want to know who I am I will call tomorrow." Apparently, she preferred that the cops know instead.

Good Samaritan saves beer: A young man entered a convenience store and discovered the owner in a tussle with a shoplifter. The young man jumped into the fray. After a brief tussle the shoplifter ran off without his intended booty - a case of beer.

Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting: Two drunken revelers got into a fight outside a bar. During the melee, one of the feuding partiers threw a bottle at the other guy's car, smashing the driver's side window. Both parties were arrested on charges of public drunkeness and fighting.

Rude Awakening: During the early morning hours, a drunk and drug-addled man showed up at a female acquaintance's home and forced his way inside. Once in the house, the zonked-out intruder began throwing stuff around the residence and smashing several drinking glasses on the floor.

I thought this was funny, Superheros dancing.





THE SUPER FLY SERIES ALWAYS FUNNY!


Super Fly

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Super Fly II

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Stone Flies

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Stone Flies II

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Supahfly Santa

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Thursday, August 04, 2005

Long Day . . .

It's been a long day, work has been busy. But found some funny stuff. Enjoy.

Joe Fish

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Traffic

To Long in the Sun

Office Prank

Office Prank 2

Office Prank 3

Office Prank 4

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Help T.O.

I thought this was great. I'm sure The Vixen will get a kick out of this. Can't wait till football starts.

Help T.O. Get $100 Million

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Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Aug 2nd The Summer is Slipping Away

I now see the summer slipping away. I have one more vacation trip and then my ass is back to working 60-100 Hour weeks until March. Happy Tuesday people.


Shake That Ass
If anything it will put you in an upbeat mood

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The F Word
Always a classic

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Men's Room Monologue

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Where Do Clams Come from?

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Monday, August 01, 2005

The Blotter

Was it something he said?: A man asked an acquaintance for a ride. As he was being dropped off, he reached into his wallet and offered his acquaintance $20 for the nice gesture. Before he could hand over the money, though, the driver punched him in the face, took his $20 and kicked him out of the car.

Damaged goods: A fed-up property owner evicted his tenants after months of late payments and other problems. When the landlord went to check on the house after the tenants left, he discovered damaged walls and kitchen cabinets, a broken dishwasher and screwed up bathroom fixtures. Looks like his tenants weren't worth the $5,000 in repairs he's stuck with.

One Hit-and-Run To Go: A worker at a fast food restaurant saw a moving truck get stuck under the awning of the eating establishment's drive-through window. As the driver got out to inspect the damage, the restaurant employee asked him to stay put so he could get his information. Instead, the driver jumped back in the truck and drove away. No word on whether he got his food order.

Justice For sale:
While a man was working on the roof of a West Boulevard business, someone broke into his van and stole some tools. When the worker climbed down from the roof, two young girls at the scene told him they knew who broke into the van and would reveal his identity - for a price. The man declined the girls' offer, but the cops soon caught the thief anyway when he attempted to sell one of stolen saws at the convenience store across the street.

Chill Out, Dude: A woman got into an argument with a man after he came to her house and started demanding that her son pay back the money he had lent him. The argument escalated, and the man picked up a stick and struck the woman's $200 glass kitchen table, shattering it.

Small time crooks: A barbershop owner discovered someone had gone to great lengths to break into his shop. First, the crooks pried off a number of boards that secured a crawl space under the building. Once under the building, the crooks removed the cover to the air conditioning vent, then crawled through the vent to gain entry into the salon, which they ransacked. The thieves made off with $500 in hair products.


WARNING THESE CLIPS ARE DARK, EVEN FOR ME.


Birds N' Bees A completely tasteless PSA about birth control

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Bill's Dead An old lady calls the radio station by accendent and ask for bill.

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Brady Bunch A dark look into mind of Mike Brady.

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