Tuesday Feels Like Monday

Blotter Threat O’The Week: “If you bring your fucking ass to church, I’m going to kick your black ass across the church.” Apparently, the Rev. Ike Turner has brought the First Church of Ass-Kicking to the Holy City.

On Aug. 21, a woman threatened her ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend by saying, “I’m gonna cut her up and throw her over the bridge.” Wow, people just can’t stop talking about that new bridge!

Blotter Word O’Tha Week: “Hoing (hoe-ing) v. the act of being a ho or involving oneself in ho-like activities,” as heard on an Aug. 22 telephone call, when one woman told another, “I’m just calling to let you know you are a hoing prostitute and I’m going to kick your ass.”

On Aug. 23, the manager of a West Ashley grocery store watched as a former employee, holding what looked like a crowbar, shook a soda machine. When the manager asked what he was doing, the man replied, “Getting my quarter out!” Talk about making “7Up Yours!”

A woman walked into an Orleans Road sandwich shop on Aug. 22 and, after paying for an empty cup, began screaming, “I’m crazy don’t stop me, I’m fucking crazy, don’t come near me, I gotta feed my baby!” The woman then grabbed and ran off with four bags of chips, four cookies, three brownies, and two Bundt cakes. Now, that is going to be one fat baby.

A Folly Road grocery store employee called police on Aug. 15 to report that two males had stolen 40 ?D? batteries and 38 ?C? batteries. Authorities tried to arrest the suspects, but witnesses had already seen them flee the scene. Evidently, they kept going, and going, and going ...


A man approached a fellow customer at a Meeting Street grocery store on Aug. 15, asking for a dollar. The customer refused and told the man that he ?needed to get a job.? The man then threatened the patron and warned, ?I?ll kill you if I don?t get that dollar.? If the guy had given him a quarter, would he have gotten off with just a maiming?


Blotter Threat O?The Week: ?I know where you live!? shouted a man as he demanded money from another man. What makes this threat special? He was inside the man?s room.


A man gave police a U.S. Air Force ID of a woman on Aug. 13 after being pulled over for turning without a signal. The man refused to clarify the situation to the cop, perhaps thinking he could evoke the military?s policy of ?don?t ask, don?t tell.?


Blotter Items Used To Threaten Violence With O?The Week: a hammer, a fire extinguisher, and a 2-foot by 4-foot piece of wood. Apparently, parents can forget about Grand Theft Auto and worry more about their kids watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.


A man called police on Aug. 14 from his Norman Street residence to report that someone had cut large holes in both his front and back fences to provide a passageway for foot traffic. In other news, the unknown subject has just won the City Paper?s Good Samaritan Award for tearing down the walls between ? never mind, too obvious.




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