Kissing Ass

Today's Topic is ass kissing. I have a special approach. I prefer the one knee approach so that the booty is right in your face and you have both hands to grab it. This topic is due to the fact that Coffin Breath pisses everyone here in the office off. He does shit backwards and gets pissed if you don't agree with him, so most of the time we yes him to death and then do what things our way behind his back. Coffin breath is usually out of control and he adds stuff to a proposal that the client usually says "Hell No". Now we've already told him 10 times the client will not spend money on his bullshit idea but he doesn't listen so I'm forced along with other people in this office to create this whole idea so he can present it to the client. Here's an example. One year he told the client we were going to do this Army training camp tour and we had a group to do it and stuff. Well Coffin Breath fail to inform the rest of us and also failed to think if it could really be done. So I sit in the conference room and while on the conference call with the client, they ask about Group B, the company Coffin Breath said was going to do the tour (Pure Bullshit) So I sit there with my thumb up my ass because I have no clue what the hell they are taking about. Coffin Breath mutes the phone and says, "Just play along, I'll explain after the call" ASSHOLE! It's ok for him to bullshit and manipulate his clients but don't drag me into it. I don't like bullshitting clients nor do I like Coffin Breaths' ideas. To make a long story short, after the call I had to find a group somewhere in this country who could do this, make this huge proposal and presented to the clients for them to say "It's too much money, we'll just do media." The project would cost $150,000. FUCK! I hate Coffin Breath. I spent 3 weeks putting together a project that was never going to happen. and he does this all the fucken time. Right now I'm working on one of these bullshit, not going to happen projects which pisses me off because Coffin Breath will say shit like "Guys I need this out the door today" and next thing I know he's hanging out at the U.S. Open. The stuff he needs out the door will not be used until Tuesday. What an ass. We are in the middle of our weekly Coffin Breath bashing. It's really fun as he's not in the office to bother anyone. Hope everyone has a great Friday and enjoys the weekend. It's 9am and I need a beer.

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

What makes life 100%?

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,

A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,

B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, and bullshit will put you over the top.

But, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%



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