I can't believe that in 2005 I still get a crap load of FWD's from people about the Dolilamma, Jesus or someother friendship email that says if I send it to such and such, my wish will be granted. Haven't we learned from wishing on a star as a kid that wishes are mearly that a wish and no matter how many rabbits feet we rub or how many birds lay droppings on your head, your luck is not going to change over night and let you win the lottory. I received this one email however, not the one where you send it to 100 people you will receive $235 from IBM or the one where if you don't send it, you will have bed sex for 7 years. If you send it back to me I will know your my friend? How many friendships were ruined because someone didn't send back the email? PS. You don't even need to scroll down to the bottom.
At this time of year, I want to thank all of you who have taken the
time and trouble to send me your E-mails over the past 12 months.
Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the
rat feces and urine.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain
will turn me gay.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and
leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes. (I don't remember that in the Bible.)
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
their special e-mail program.
Yes, I want to thank all of you s-o-o-o-o much for looking out for me
that I will now return the favor!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
(CST) this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
So you know it's true!
