Letter to my pet

This was not written by me but is so true and so funny. I have two black cats Ali Gray and Autumn White and they are my little daughters.



Dear Beloved Pets:

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.

Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is first kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To return the kindness of your obedience, my dear pets, I have posted the following on our front door so visitors to our home know what the rules are here:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted children who are short, hairy and walk on all fours. Although they don't speak clearly, they communicate extremely well, especially my cats.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called (this does not apply to cats), never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college. Also, if they get pregnant, you can sell the children!

My Job

Here is a company photo of me and the people I work with. Ok, I know it's not a photo, this is something I created and keep expanding upon when we hire new people or people leave the company. This is the people in the office now. During Football and Basketball season we have about 5 or 6 more people. I will update them when the season starts and we bring back more people. That's me with the Superman shirt. I say that they think I'm superman by all the work they expect me to get done and the shit I pull out my ass to get them accomplished. The one with the Halo is Coffin breath and the Halo is there for a reason. The one with the money hanging out his pocket is the big boss. Never have problems with him. He's cool. So this is my crew.

Friday is almost here and I can't wait. I have to go into the city tomorrow for Speed Week. For those who don't know, Speed Street is the Fan area that starts today and goes until Sunday for the Coca-Cola 600. I don't really care for Nascar but I have to go to meet with clients and see if there is any cool things my company can do during one of our events. So I'm pretty much hanging out and scouting. Good thing is that I get to leave work after lunch and then only have to hang out down town for an hour or so and then the weekend begins! In case I don't post again until the weekend or so, Have a great weekend everyone. Enjoy the picture below. I thought it was funny.

Penguin Bitch Slap

Coffin Breath

Well it's Wednesday and that means you can smell the weekend coming around the corner, what makes things better is that it's a 3 day weekend and what makes things even better is that it's a a pay week.

Well today's office topic is bad breath and my VP is the king of it all. We can't tell him because no one wants to embarrass him or get fired. But DAMN! It's bad. I told everyone that I would by that cream people use during Autopsies so they wont have to smell the dead body. It is really bad. One person said he eats Shitty Snickers. We spent a half hour talking about how bad it is. He's got bad Coffin Breath. Here are some other mouth jokes to share for that yuck mouth in your office.

Your breath stinks so bad when you burp, your teeth duck.

This is a fact, your breath Is wack, you don'’t need a tic, not a tac, but the whole damn pack.
I don't mean to be mean, but you need Listerine, not a sip, not a swallow, but the whole damn bottle!

Your breath so disgustingly bad that You need Freshmints with batteries in it

Your breath stinks so bad, people look forward to Your farts!

Your breath is so stank, we don't know whether You need gum or toilet paper.

Your breath is so stank, you can smell it over the phone.

Your breath is so stank, You eats odor eaters.

Your teeth are so crooked, when You smiles Your mouth looks like its throwin' up gang signs.

Your teeth are so ugly, You got pulled over for not having dental insurance.

Your teeth are so yellow, You spit butter.

Your teeth are so big, You sneezed and bit a hole in Your chest.

You got summer teeth... some here some there.






This is a great illusion. Once you click start use your mouse to zoom in or out. It's Pretty Cool.



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Sad Day

Sometimes when your think that life has settled down and that you are moving forward with things, your hit hard by the reality of death. Today I lost a cousin who was hit by a car while riding his bike. He was only 12 years old. I have been dealing with people close to me dying and it really hits home and makes you realize how valuable and fragile life is. When you go through these times you realize how grudges and disagreements you may have had with anyone is pointless, that these people may be taken from your life before you know it. I've had deaths in my family when I was little but I was to young to understand. Since 1999, I have been dealing with a close death just about every year since 1999. These are the people I've lost and how I lost them.

Lillian Collazo (Mom) 1999 Cancer
Noel Padua (Brother) 2001 Suicide
World Trade Center (Family members of friends) 2001 Attacks
Salina Padua (Cousin) 2002 Aneurysm
Eddie Padua (Uncle) 2003 Aids
Benjamin Padua (Father) 2004 Cancer
Michael Padua (Cousin) 2005 Car accident

The hardest thing also is that time doesn't heal all wounds, the scars are still there and I think of these passings everyday. Always reminded of how they all died well before their time. Each funeral reminds you of the last and you think about how that could be you or what you didn't do when that person was alive. You wonder if you will see these people again in another life time. For all those who have lost someone close please hold on to the ones still here and make the most of the time you have on this earth.

Monday Already?

Why is it that the weekends always fly by but the weekdays seem like eternity?

I had a 3 day weekends as I took Friday off to recharge the batteries and relax. But instead of relaxing, I had a really busy weekend. Friday we decided to go to Jillian's and hangout. Jillians is one of those places where you buy tokens to play skee ball or shoot basketballs and then get 5 tickets back after you put in $20. In the past we had spent 4-5 hours here and called it a marathon day. Well we get there at 12:30pm and decided to have another marathon day. We stayed until 1:45am!!! Man was I tired when we left (and buzzed). It's funny how you play the games to get tickets and you waste so much money to win crap you would never by as cheap as they are. I won a water fountain. My cats look at it for a minute and then they ignore it. Oh well. Saturday I had another wedding and I'm glad it wasn't raining because it was an outdoor wedding. Went to the reception and an hour into it we both decided that we didn't want to spend all night at the reception so we ditched and headed home (we were hung over from the marathon day otherwise we would have taken advantage of the free open bar). While driving back we decided to go see a movie. I was in the mood to see Unleashed but it wasn't starting for another 2 hours so guess what I went to see, Yeah that's right, Star Wars. It wasn't my intention but I did anyway. It was actually good despite a few cheese parts here and there. Much better then the first 2 episodes. Sunday was a busy day as I had a soccer game at 11am which my team lost but it wasn't my fault the goals that were scored so I wasn't pissed at myself for losing. The rest of the day was spent at a BBQ at a friends and then went to Mid-Town to play video trivia! I love Photo Hunt and Word Dojo. It gets interesting the more beers you have too.

So now I'm here back at work and getting ready to get into the grind of things. I may just go crazy and work my ass off and then coast the rest of the week if I meet all my deadlines. Who knows.

Here is Some Bloopers from The Pillsbury Dough Boy:


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Hang Up The Phone When Your Driving!

This post is dedicated to the morons out there who can't talk and drive. To the person who can't stay on the road because they are leaning into the phone or they are trying to right stuff down while they drive. If it is so important that you need to be on your stupid cell phone from the moment you start your car, until you park then get a hands free head set. Is that so hard. I don't care, just stop causing traffic, causing car wrecks and not paying attention to what you should be doing and that's Driving.

for those who haven't seen this video clip, check it out. Funny ass hell.

It's the funniest DUI Stop


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Is It Friday Yet? Part V

It's Thur-Friday! For me at least. I've been looking forward to this day all week because I can look forward to a 3 day weekend. And to make things better All my bosses are out on a sales meeting, giving me mucho Blog time and time for other internet joys. I spent all morning busting my ass to complete all my dead line stuff so I can enjoy the afternoon. I spent a good 1 hour at the fax machine sending out faxes. Man I wish I had an assistant, would make life great. Get frustrated when a fax doesn't go through.



"PC load letter?! What the f*ck does that mean??"

I will be starting my relaxation as soon as I get home. I've been good and haven't drank all week (I know it's been 4 days) But it will make the drink go down so much smoother. Hope everyone else has a good weekend. Look forward to hear everyone's tale.

Until Then . . .

Is It Friday Yet? Part IV

It's Wednesday! and it's been a pretty good day so far. Got to work on time, Yankees have won 10 in a row, Got to work and the boss bright hot bagels. Now I'm sitting in my desk reading the news (I read the NY Daily news Online). Eventually I will have to start doing some work, but until then I get to write in my blog.

I was listening to the radio on my way to work and people were calling in saying that they dressed up as Darth Vader or Luke Skywalker to go into work. It's funny that people would dress like this for a movie. It's all in good fun I guess but what I don't understand is why people dress up like characters from the old movie rather then the one that is coming out tonight at midnight.

This is the funniest Star Wars Parady I've seen, It's STAR WARS GANGSTA RAP.


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Is It Friday Yet? Part III

In in on going saga this week I have the "IS IT FRIDAY YET?" series. Of course I have been saying this about 10 times a day but I will only post it every so often (till Friday actually gets here) Well today is Tuesday which means one of several things:

1) I will be stuck in meeting all day in the conference room that is 40 degrees and I seem to always forget so I'm sitting there in a T-shirt or Polo shirt freezing. The room has to be kept cold because the room next to it has all our tapes from the TV show we produce called Inside The Game.

2) It's Sub day at Harris Teeter and I go there to get my $1.99 sub and a fruit salad. (great when you have to budget till payday)

3) It's still not Friday.

Meetings are usually productive and I don't always mind them as they help the day go quick, unless our VP decided he wants to put his two cents into it and then it's a borefest which seems to drag on and on. He loves to hear himself speak (even funnier since he has no hearing) and everything he suggests is always impossible to accomplish. He is usually out of control and the rest of the staff usually has to cover for him or pull of the miracle which he promises to the client. Gladly for the 3pm planning meeting he is out of the office with a client. Giving me ample time to write in my blog. Isn't life great sometimes =0)

I've read in some blogs that people are going to watch the Brittany Show. Personally I have no interest in this as I didn't chime in to watch Jessica and what's his face. (Men only remember the girls) But for those who like that sort of thing. Enjoy.

I will leave you with another creative thought from my boy Calvin.

Calvin to save the day!

As I took a Blog break do get some work done and to do some other surfing, Mainly sports related as I'm an avid Fantasy Football participant I came across a calvin and hobbes stip. Calvin always puts a smile on my face so I thought I would share it with you.

Is It Friday Yet? Part II

Ok, this week I decided I would bring my lunch instead of going out as I need to save money. Well The good thing about it is that you do save money. The bad thing is A) I don't get to leave the office for lunch B) When I don't get to have lunch with co-workers C) We usually take more than and hour and D) I just ate it at 11:30am and it didn't fill me up.

I was a a party recently and you know how you mingle with everyone in the crowd and everyone gets in the whole what do you do for a living conversations. Well it's funny how when I tell people I work in sports marketing I have to clarify what it is. I have to say stuff like No I don't work with pro-athletes and No I'm not Jerry Maguire and No I don't get to go see Panther games or Bobcat games for free (The VP and CEO takes those tickets) So after all that I explain how I have to travel every weekend during football season to football games on saturday and run promotions or do presentations at these games and how I spend a good 8-9 months traveling on the road. The good part of it is that I get to travel and get out of the office. Now once you've been on the road for this long and haven't had a vacation day a real day off and seen your family and friends, you begin to tell your self you can't wait to get off the road. It wares you down after awhile. So now that all our big events are done and the traveling is over, I'm back in the cubicle. If only life was simple.

Ok there wasn't much point to that story I know but it made since to me in my head and the other people in my head agree. . . for now =0)

Funny T-Shirts

These shirts are funny, I think they are funnier on the kids.

Is It Friday Yet?

I know we just got through the weekend but man I wish it was Friday already, well actually I wish it was Thursday afternoon since I have Friday off. I enjoy my weekends and coming into work and looking outside to see a beautiful sunny day makes the day drag on. Right now work isn't busy which is good, but being spring makes you want to be outside. It takes me back to days when I was in HS and I would stare out the window during history or math wishing I was outside instead of inside. Thank god I have blogs =0)

Friday was my brother's 40th Birthday (or 20/20 as I call it) when your in your 20's you think that 40's is far away until recently when I hit 30 (20/10 as I call it) and I realize that 40 is not to far behind. Well Friday I got my brother tickets to the comedy zone. The headliner was an R rated Hypnotis who would hypnotize people and make them do stupid things. It was funny as hell but it seemed a little too staged for me. 1st people came up on stage way to fast. You didn't hear people say, why don't you go up there or anyone egging someone to make an ass of themselves. Well they may have had a few people who weren't part of the show and these are the people that were asked to sit down eventually because they weren't under. It was still funny though as people would pretend to masturbate and guys would fight over who was the biggest fairy. It seemed really fake during one segment in which the Hypnotis would tell the girls at the count of 3 you will think the guy next to them touched them in a perverted way. Well when he did that they stood up from thier chair and pretended to scold the person who they thought grabbed there ass or touched a boob but you could see if they really were mad they would have yelled or slapped or been more pissed off. They just sat next to the person and said he touched her. It was a good show but not for the money it cost to go see it.

So I sit here looking forward to the weekend. Since I don't work Friday, is Tuesday my Hump day or is Wed. always Hump day?

Funny Things

Here are some funny things I've found online.

Blog I came across

I just came across a Blog http://notmeexactly.blogspot.com

This blog had one entry which was posted today about a guy who is thinking about death. Now for those who don't know me, I have a big fear of death and I think about it alot. I lost my brother in 2001 to suicide so I decided that I would respond to this posting in hopes that maybe something I said would give him reason to rethink his plans. I think it is a guy, it could be a girl. Doesn't matter Just hope that he gives it time as Jack Daniels has paid him a visit and that often doesn't help.
My brother didn't reach out and just acted or reacted to the situation and felt that he couldn't deal with life anymore. Is death really better than dealing with the ups and downs of life? I've been through a lot in my life. An abusive drug addicted mom, living on welfare, dealing with the streets of NY when I was little. But I pushed through, bounced from family to family. Went to HS. Lived on my own from the age of 18 and put myself through college. I have come a long way since then But I've dealt with a lot of family tragedies and untimely deaths. It's the deaths that have made me appreciate life even more. Right now my biggest stress is debt, student loans, car payments and always having to start over because of things that happen in life. But I thank god that I'm still alive and I'm going to fight to make it in this world, some how.

If you read this blog, please check out Not Me Exactly if you can lend some words that may help. Thanks.

Blog Surfing

Ok over the last several days I have notice I've become a Blog Junkie. Not necessarily working on my blog or making hundreds of post but simply reading other peoples Blogs. It is funny the things you read and the stories you find. I never thought about it until I saw that button on the top of the page that said Next Blog, when I saw it went to another Blog I began Blog Surfing. Now I usually Blog surf in the morning when I first get to work (shhh I still do my work) and then sometimes in the afternoon on my lunch break. I just keep going Blog to Blog until something catches my attention and then I read them. If it is a posting that I can leave my view I might leave a comment. Most of the time I just read and move on to the next one. I wonder how many Blogs are on here. I also wonder how many people actually read my Blog. I thought it was only one person but since I see other peoples Blog someone else must be looking at mine. Which makes you wonder should you bare your heart and soul on this thing? I have no problem with it.

So far my favorite Blogs (which I will leave anonymous to respect their Blog) is one woman who is seeing a married man and writes in her Blog to vent and the second is this woman who gives herself a nick name and has this encounter with a roach.

If you have not Blog Surfed or just started looking through them, keep surfing because there is a lot out there to read and just get you away from your thoughts sometimes.

I saw Blogs from other countries, I wonder what the keyboards look like from computers in Asia or Russia. In Chinese writing, however, there are no letters and there is no alphabet. The writing system consists of a large number of symbols used to directly represent words regardless of their value. Although there is some relation between the structure of each symbol and its pronunciation, but the symbols cannot be broken down into smaller components to construct a new word. Each word is set and is basically written the exact same way as it was written 2,000 years ago.
So what do Chinese Computers look like? and is it time consuming to type?

Happy Blog Surfing to everyone and if you have a sec, post a comment.